A few tunes to get me by:

1. Crazy- Gnarls Barkley - sexy little tune to get the hips a shakin
2. The Mating Game- Bitter:Sweet - heard this one on Grey's Anatomy & had to have it
3. Destination Vertical- Masha Qrella - another Grey's tune- seems to be a theme going on here
4. Like a Star - Corinne Bailey Rae - good old fashioned tune
5. Going Which Ever Way the Wind Blows- Pete Droge - catchy happy tune
6. Love my Way- Grant Lee Phillips - loved the origional - love this one too Think Big Hair
7. Sand in My Shoes - Dido - such an end of summer tune
8. Gotta Have You- Weepies - can't get enough of this tune love the rhythm
9. Axel F- Crazy Frog - what can I say- I've got kids and they love this old stuff. This ones for the boy.
10. Come to Jesus- Mindy Smith - I am a Christian- but I have a hard time getting into Christian music- but this one works for me.

Sunday Scribblings- Freezing Time

I spend way too much time sitting at my computer, reading about other people’s thoughts, dreams, wishes and achievements. I have been so inspired by what people, women especially, are doing in their daily lives, ordinary people, people like me. That’s just the point, people like me. We are not celebrities, superstars, or even superheroes. There is a connection that I feel when I read or admire someone else’s work.

However inspiring the work may be, I do not have the time to admire and also create. Once I turn on my computer, sit my bum in front of my black flat panel screen and click the old internet icon, I get sucked right in. Sometimes I do not know how much time has lapsed since I last came up for air. Sucked into the web abyss. Quickly I become inspired. But it is like an addiction. And anyone who has had an addiction knows that it is almost impossible to know when to stop. So I go on and on, letting my little addiction suck the inspiration right out of me and steal my time away.

We are always chasing time. And yet- time is constant. It is regulated mathematically.
Although our bodies are bound by the laws of physics, chemistry and biology, our minds and souls work on the properties of perception.

I do not need more time. If I had it I would just waste more of it. What I wish is that I could appreciate what I have when I have it, that I could be driven by my own motivation and be satisfied by what I have and what I am. I often allow my fears to consume too much of my time, too much of my life. I have allowed my insecurities to keep me from achieving some of my dreams and desires.

A year and a half ago I was pregnant with my third child. I quit my job and stayed home with the kids. In the beginning, summertime, it was wonderful. I has so much time to be outside, play games, clean my house, cook healthy meals. But after Cecilia arrived, and the kids went back to school and the weather turned from fall to winter, I had too much time. Too much time to fill. And I felt stuck. Having such a small baby at home rooted me to the house and the regular daily household chores. I went through the same daily routine each and every day. I felt like the characters in the movie Groundhogs Day with Bill Murray. I felt stuck. S-T-U-C-K. And that’s what I think it would feel like to stop time. Time is momentum. And as I’ve said before, physics and chemistry. Momentum is necessary.

But if I could go back in time just to visit once in a while, that would be the icing on the cake. I could visit my grandparents again. Swim in their pool in the back yard on a hot summer day. Sipping lemonade and eating Pecan Sandies by the side of the pool. Ride on Papas back as he dived beneath the water. Feeling the sun burn into my skin. I would like to visit that day every now and then.

I would also like to go back to the day that my first child was born. It was such a high, all of them were really, but the first one. I felt so connected with God. I felt as though I had accomplished so much. My family was so excited and so proud of me. My grandparents were so excited to see Alex that they were there within an hour of his birth. They played pass the baby, oxygen monitor and all. The love in that room was incredible. I could feel it, taste it. It was delicious. When it was time for bed and everyone had to leave, my grandfather kissed me on the head and thanked me. At 84 years old, he thanked me. It was one of the last memories I have of my grandfather. Although at the time of Alex’s birth we did not know, he did not know, that he would not be with us much longer. But that day was magic. Absolute magic.

So no I have no dreams of stopping time- I would just like to once in a while, use my superhero powers to time travel now and again.

 

Grateful Friday

1. New friends that are becoming GOOD friends. Scrapping friends!!!
2. My children's school. It started this week. And as much as I love having my kids home with
me. Love knowing they are in a good school. And it was dress down week. Didn't have to
worry about clean uniforms.
3. My savings account actually has enough in it to pay our property taxes. Relief.
4. Napping baby. She's finally at a point where I can put her down for naptime or bedtime when
she's tierd and she will get herself to sleep.
5. Last night having a my baby fall asleep on my shoulder while I watched Grey's Anatomy.
Hubby put the other 2 to bed. So the house was quiet and the baby was warm and snuggly.
6. Speaking of Grey's. This and this is coming soon. And the new season is starting in less than 3 weeks
now. Seriously.
7. Fall weather. Good sleeping weather and sunny days. The best.
8. A 4 day weekend. Kids didn't have school today.
9. Taco Bell Chalupa's!
10. This video that I bought for my hubby. Watching it tonight with the kids, Pj's and
snacks to boot.
11. Having the laundry done. Not put away. But done.

More layouts

He just loves her so much. He couldn't stop holding her and looking at her.
Just love these pictures.
Should post these more often
Now I have pages
and pages
and pages
to post.
Well can't do it
all in one day
So more tomorrow

Finally getting to scrapping
Cecilia's babybook.
Making my own pages.
Having fun.
Using stuff from my Jenni Bowlin kits.
Having fun.
Can't believe she is almost a year.
Hard to believe that a year ago she was still in my belly.
My big belly.
The paper on these two are actually the same color.
Just bad photos.
Need scanner.
Need printer
Want new camera.
Want tablet.
Oh the list goes on and on.

Grateful Friday

1. Cool August Weather- we were just on vacation in St. Louis. Oh boy St. Louis is August is just a killer. Nothing like home. I do not know how you gals south of the mason dixion do it!!!

2. Fun pictures from our vacation. Love this one. Had to lay down on the ground to get it. Lots of people were staring at me like I was nuts. Hey I'm a scrapbooker!!!!!

3. School starts. Not only do my kids need it- but so do I. I co-chaired the teacher back-to-school luncheon. It was wonderful seeing those eager faces (the teachers that is!!!) Those smiles won't last for long!!!

4. Catholic education (any christian educ. that is)- love that we have prayer service the night before school. Love that we bless the backpacks. Love that we feel comfortable praying with and for each other. It's worth every penny.

5. Did I say cool weather. It's only 74 degrees here today.

6. Gap - favorite T. Went on an outlet mall spree at Gap and scooped up a few juicy colors for myself since they were only $7.50.

7. Sunflowers. Went to the farmer's market yesturday and bought a few bunches.

8. Scrapbooking friends.

9. New Heidi Swapp products!!! And my August Jenni Bowlin kit. Haven't used it yet. Didn't want the mess of it before vacation. But can't wait to dig in this weekend. Seriously love her kits!!!

10. Glad to be home. Home is so wonderful when you are on a 10 hour car trip (one way)!!!!

Knocked Out

Well I didnt make it to round 2. Not real happy about that- but that the way it goes.

LSS-week 1

Almost didn't
follow
through
with this one.
Seemed simple
enough.
Just wasn't
sure
how real
I could be and
put myself
out there.
Glad I
did.

Here it is.....

C-H-E-E-P

Boy, do I need to update my little ole blog.
I've been very neglectful this summer.
But hey-
It's S-U-M-M-E-R. I
t's going by way too fast.
Way fast.
The kids and I have been keeping busy.
Having fun.

Did I tell you we are saving the world
one critter at a time.
It all started with this little guy.
Oh they wanted to keep him.
And I was just the mean mom for making them release him back to
his home.

Then this little guy literally fell from the sky
(ok the big pine tree)
and into our laps.
Probobly a gold finch.
Took him to the nature reserve
where they found a good home to feed him
until he is able to be released back into
(dare I say)
the wild.
Yes these city streets are very
very much the wilderness.





See keeping busy!!

Cheep, cheep.

And if you want to read a good childrens book
about a little bird found on the streets
of Manhatten,
check this book out.

Tunes Tunes and more tunes!

Love I-tunes. Love being able to just
purchase the songs I want. Love not
having all these CD's laying around.

Here's some good ones:

1. Hips Don't Lie- Shakira (wish I could move like that-you have to watch the video at least one time)
2. Be Gentle with Me - The Boy Least Likely To
3. Other Side of the World - KT Tunstall
4. Not Ready to Make Nice- Dixie Chicks (So happy they have come back to us all firey and political. Love it)
5. Somewhere a Clock is Ticking - Snow Patrol
6. Am I Just One- Carrie Ott
7. The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice (Haunting)
8. Black Horse and Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall (Whoo Hoo!)
9. I'll Be Here a While - 311
10. My Oh My - David Gray

Oh my Gawd!

It has been so long since I have visited my little ol' blog. I have been completely unispired to write. Not uninspired- just nothing that I had to get out of my head.

Started working again. A little love/hate relationship with that one. Like getting out! Like getting a paycheck!! But hate carting the kids around to the sitter (which is my mom- I know very lucky- and she lives very close) But still takes more time out of the day than it should.

Love working at a children's book store. I have learned sooooo much about the business- retail and publishing. Boy is that business down to a science.

School is almost out for the summer- two more days. I can't wait to have all the kids home. Like them home with me.

I stopped doing digi layouts for a while and started the old regular way. Paper scrapping. Took me a while to get into the groove. I missed the "erase button" and the "undo" button. Boy once you cut a real piece a paper there it is. You are stuck with it. But I am getting the hang of it again. Need to do the baby's book. Will post pics soon. Don't have a scanner that does 12 x 12, so I am working on doing it with the camera.

Feeling Blue

Haven't visited my little ol
blog in a while. The computer
break was good. Too much
computer makes me
a little unsocial.

Got a job this week. Just couldn't
stand not receiving a paycheck.
So I will be working at a little
bookstore in town. It has a bit
of charm and rooms of children's
books. So I am offically no longer
a SAHM. Almost made it a year.
Not really working much though, just 11
hours a week. I was so nervous for my
interview. I haven't interviewed for a
job in over 12 years. And I was used
to being the interviewer not the
interviewee.

I didn't really think they would
take my application seriously.
Think I was overqualified.
I though I may have to defend
my claim that I am not looking
for a career, just some time for myself
and a place to see different walls and
different faces. A place where I am
known by my name and not Alex's mom, etc.

The pay isn't much. But it will help pay
for some things that I want and do
not let myself get. We also have some
student loans we would like to finally
rid ourselves of. And next year I would really
like to persue my own business. But not
until the loans are gone, gone, gone.
Not willing to take that kind of risk with
extra debt on my shoulders.

I got a job this week. Scares me a bit.
I am once again on someone else's time.
I like being on my own time. Doing my own
thing. Scares me a lot. I enjoyed not having
to arrange any childcare. My mom is watching the
girls while I work. Very short shifts. But still
she goes on vacation, she has a life. The one
good thing about daycares is that they do
not go on vacation.

Enough of this... it's just another phase
in life. My birthday is coming up. My daughter
just had her party today. Her birthday is Tues. And mine is
five days later. I see her grow up and it makes me feel older.
I am getting older. And I do not want to. Want us all to stay right
here. I like where we are at. I like that we are all healthy and young
and fun and cute and cuddly. I like that there is still a baby in the house
and that I can play princess and playstation. I love that I
get to have a tea party with 2 lumps of sugar in my tea
each day. I love that my kids are at ages where they still like
to be held and kissed and hugged. That they still believe in Santa and
the Easter bunny and the toothfairy. I want to capture these momments
but they seem to slip away so fast. The days and weeks go by so fast.
I feel like Alex just started first grade and now summer vacation is almost
here. He is reading. He reads to his sister. He reads to me. He reads
signs and the newspaper and magazine covers. When did all this happen-
where was I this past year. Where have I been. What have I been doing.

Maybe that is my solution to these feelings I have. When I was working
the projects and day to day activities were very tangible. Each year a
raise and a performance review to summarize the past years activity.
I think that I will give myself a performance review. Hmmm.

Time for bed. My brain is hurting. Too much birthday cake. And her
birthday isn't even here yet. When did birthdays become a multi- day
event. No matter how hard I try my kids birthdays just drag out. I am
always so happy when they are over. Not Tess's though. Because mine
is 5 days after hers. Her could just linger on forever. Wouldn't mind just
stalling my birthday for a while.

Imagine- Journal entry #13 & tales from the dancers darkside

A layout that is not entirely digi. I do own some
paint and gel medium! But I have to admit- holding
a baby made me switch to digi for the journaling.
But the rest is entirely paper, paint and glue.

Feeling inspired by Twistedsoda to tap into
my tactile stuff and get my hands a little dirty
this last week of the challenge.

Stood in line today for almost 2 hours to buy tickets
to my daughters dance recital. (she's 3). So rediculous.
You'd think we were buying tickets to a rock concert.
Tickets went on sale at noon. People start lining up at the
latest 11. No kidding.

My friend needs handicapped seating for her mother- and
of course the theater has limited handicapped seating- we were
there at 10:45. Got her seats. I go an aisle - since my mom is
clausterphobic in auditoriums.

Hope I don't offend anyone- but some of these moms rival the
little league dads. I was very grateful that I go out alive.

Shades of Grey #2

There is a little weekly challenge going
on at Simply Sara... Shades of Grey.
Check it out.






















I had a hard time with this layout. It was about what
thoughts I could leave my children. I honestly do
not know what I would want my children to know if
I were facing my mortality. All I know is the day to day
of the present.

We had a tough week. For some reason most of us,
even the adults, were crabby. Imagine that crabby
parents. Practicing spelling was a particularly difficult
task this week. We go through it but not without a
few life lessons. This lovely dry erase board message
is what you get when your children need to make
a point- and they know how to read and write.

Other than writing a "b" backwards- his spelling
on this was perfect!

Coffee- How about a Diet Dew

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeeareyouquiz/">What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Give me back my Star

This is what happens when your children learn how to
read and write and then get angry with you.
This little message was left for me after bedtime in
response to my son losing a star from his star/chore
chart for throwing something at his sister. An accident of course.
But I am trying to teach him that he is responsible for his actions-
even if they are done accidentally.

THINK BEFORE YOU DO OR SAY...

(I know it's a big lesson that even most adults haven't learned-
But if I can teach him some humilty- I will have done some good
as far as motherhood goes.)

It's been an unusual week. All three kids have been
crab monsters!!! Seriously- Everyone has been crabby-
ALL WEEK.

So now it's the end of the week and I am (ahem) a bit
crabby. It's been hard working on my art journal for
Rhonna's 21 day challenge. But I am proud to say that
I have still been completing my new habit. I am walking
come rain or shine!!! Whether I want to or not. I have made
myself get off my lazy but and move. I even have the kids
doing it too.

New habit - family style. Surprisingly it is already paying off
Not only is it starting to feel better to my body- but I am getting
a bit more toned in just this short time. NO kidding. I fit into a
pair of jammy pants that are my regular size. Still a ways to go
before I get my pre-pregnancy jeans on. But if I keep this up
I think it will happen. Power of positive thought.

I really want to fit into my summer shorts, because I do not
want to waste money on shorts that I have no intention of wearing
any longer than necessary. Even cropped pants- I still cannot fit my
behind in them in any sort of cute way. Although, progress has been
made...
I can get them on..
I can button and zip them....

Just can't sit comfortably or wear anywhere other than the safety of
my bedroom. HA.

Songs I am listening to this week:

1. Chewing Gum (vocal mix)- Annie
(Don't know why- but loving this song)
2. Breathe - Telepopmusic -
(Makes me want to go for a car ride)
3. Only You - Joshua Radin
(Very mellow)
4. Whenever, Wherever- Shakira
(Very Sensual, makes me want to be young again)
5. Happy and Free - Vaughan Penn
(Just because I like the words)
6. These Words- Natasha Bedingfield
(Dance to this one with the kids- we jam with
our spatula microphones- great fun)
7. They-Jem
8. Vegas Baby-The Weepies
9. Counting to 100- Matt Wertz
10. Unraveling - Deb Talan (Anyone ever feel that way?)

Letting Her Go

"We find it when we settle deeply into the hidden, more loving
dimensions of any momment, allowing life to be what it wants
to be and letting ourselves be who we were created to be."

I so want to be the one I am meant to be. But I am afraid.
I am afraid that all that I have built up will come crashing
down. I am much more vulnerable than I appear. And
those that love me most- have looked to me for support.
I support thats what I do. But I have struggled in finding
those that will support me. I have a wonderful husband
who is encouraging me to follow my dreams. He's actually
excited. More excited than I am. He would like me to do it
today and I know that he will help me.

But... he's never had to pick up my pieces. In our almost 9
years of marriage- it just hasn't been necessary. But if I must
go deep to find my courage- that means I am going deep.
And there are lots of things deep within that I really do
not want to have resurface- some things that are at the core
of me. Pieces of me. Pieces of me that existed a long time ago.
A girl who existed a long time ago. I put her aside, away, battered
and bruised. Broken. Like the bird that hits the window and you find it
laying on the grass with it's wings extended in odd angles. The bird
that you put in a shoe box with some grass for comfort and place
it in a safe place so that neighborhood preditors cannot take
advantage of it's injury. Safe.....

I am not that girl... and yet I am. I will protect her always.
But to go deep and find my courage, means that at some level
inside me- I will have to face her. Face her and possibly let her
go. And I am afraid to let her go. Let her go. Can I exist without
her? Can I?























"Toward the end of his life, the literary giant George Bernard
Shaw was asked what person in history he would most
like to have been. His response was that he would most
like to have been the George Bernard Shaw he might
have been and never became."
Marianne Williamson, The Gift of Change

"Marcy, you made egg soup!"
(from "It's The Easter Beagel Charlie Brown")

We colored eggs this weekend. My daughter
treats them as though they are alive and
mini-pets. I am trying to convince her that
they love to live in cool dark places i.e the
fridge. However she insists that she should
be able to take them to bed with her at
night. So I have to do a bed check at
night just to make sure she didn't sneek
any away.

Well, I survived the first week of the 21 day
challenge. This week already seems harder and
it has just begun. My body feels beat up and
bruised. Walked in the rain yesturday. Even with
my rain jacket I ended up soaked. The rain
ran down my rain jacket onto my pants.

Watched Grey's Anatomy last night. George
used to be my favorite character- but he has
been so mopey. So he did the nasty with
Merideth. Merideth broke George. That's what
happens when you sleep with someone who
is broken first. And George knew that about
her. Had he been a good friend to her
he would have approached a relationship with
her in a different way- instead he took advantage
of her and jumped in the sack right away. He is
just as responsible.

That said. I am now a Merideth fan to the end.

Here is my journal page for day 7. I am a little behind
and will post the others when I have some time.