Sunday- Mosaic

This is what we did today...

• Great weather...
• lots of sun...
• A tractor ride
• 7 pumpkins, 1 green, 1 white, 5 orange
• 1 gourd- green
• 2 bushels of apples- there is a pie in our future

A perfect way to avoid studying. 2 tests this week, both on Thursday.

Oh, almost forgot, LOVED Grey's

LOVE, LOVE, LOVED IT

I always wish I had a sister

I am enjoying the company of these 2 little ladies.Their bond is a special one. One that I hope I can help them foster into adulthood. I always wish I had a sister- however I was blesses (ahem) with a little brother.That was definitely not in my plan, although I wished that I had a big brother (but that is a whole nother blog entry). I am glad, however, to be part of their little world together- for now.

• So much going on in my part of the world lately.
• Finally made time to get my student ID. So now it really feel official. You know that you are old when you go to the ID Center and say you need and ID and the young,fresh teenager asks you "Are you faculty or a student?".
• Faculty- I wish.
• I began melting down yesterday when I received my first assignment. The professor asked for volunteers to do early reports on the first book we are assigned to read when class begins next week. So I blindly volunteered. And then really freaked out, when I realized that this is my first college class in 16 years. And my first English paper in about 18 years. I quickly realized that the literary world may have changed since my youth. So I went on Amazon and ordered a few reference materials.Sure I had used my writing skill plenty in the workforce, but that was all technical writing, policies and procedures, training and educational materials, grants, etc. Totally different.
• Seriously.
• So today I did my research, after all it is only a one page report and if I include a picture then only 3/4 a page.
• And now I feel better.
• Because I have a plan.
• New greys tonight. Can't wait. They really do need to wrap up this season.It has been all over the place. Not complaining. But the finales really draw a conclusion. Of course I will be very very sad that I do not have any new episodes until next September. But at the same time I am glad to have a break from Thurs. nite television, especially since the show was moved to 8:00. I preferred it at 9:00 when it was a guarantee that the kids were in bed. Next year I will have to record Grey's because I have a class until 8:00 on Thurs. There was no way around it.

I wish I was....here,,,,

Yesturday- birthday.

A nice birthday.

A really great birthday.

A few presents.

Some ice cream.

Some cupcakes.

A gift certificate to the bookstore- from my boss!

A few cards.

Some cash.

A piano solo- written just for me.

A handmade card- with the word "Love" spelled by a preschooler.

A moonstone ring- Love moonstone. Center's me.

A hibiscus plant- orange- from my 8 year old.

He arranged to get it all by himself (with help from his grandpa)

A soccer game.

A late lunch. (without the kids)

A sunny day.

A thunderstorm.

Tickets to the Lion King.

Lots of hugs.

Lots of kisses.

Some time together.

Some time alone.

A new i-tunes playlist.

Slept in- a little.

A good nights sleep.

And today - a new year.

With my new age.

Which I will forget

and have to remember.

Not a remarkable number.

But a nice even number.

Feels right.

Wow- the big 5

This sweetie turned 5 yesturday!

f-i-v-e

I just can't believe it.

She had a special day.

A day full of activities that she requested.

A day of family

A day of celebrating her.

She's my middle child.

I knew she would be the moment she was born.

And I apologized to her right then and there.

Since I was an oldest child- I just would not know

all that that would mean for her.

But her dad is a middle child- so they can hang....

She absolutely loved having the day for herself.

I have gone through so much

with this kid in her 5 years.

So many firsts, even though she was my second.

But she was my first

GIRL

Oh they are so different than boys.

We spent her first night home from the hospital

after she was born- well- we spent it in the emergency room

Fun- especially on my sore bummmmm.

She was having a hard time breathing.

And she was so small

And even though the emergency room dr. requested that

the on-call pediatrician come to the hospital- she refuses.

So after chest x-rays and the er dr. telling me I did the right thing

they sent me home.

Home so stay up the rest of the night watching my baby breath-

in case she stopped.

And what that child do- the next morning

she sneezes. Big sneeze.

And out pops the biggest bugger I have ever seen

It was over 1 inch long, grey and fat- like a worm.

And that was the end of the breathing problem

(although my pediatrician insisted on being very thourough

the next day at her 2 day visit- making sure there were no other

obstuctions)

I knew then and there that this was no ordinary child-

and that we would have many fun- stories to tell.

And I do.

Maybe you will be lucky and I will share some more in the future.

Anyhow- love this kid.

Pray to God that she will be safe, grow up healthy and strong

and continues to be kind, gentle and loving!!!!!!!!

Don't Feed the Animals!

Some pics from this past weekend.
We spent a lot of time enjoying
the wonderful spring weather.
So were the animals.

Wanted to post some
happy pictures today.

Feeling blue

my heart is broken a little
Took Isak in yesturday instead
of waiting for today.
I just couldn't see him
not eat for another day.

I've had pets die.
But I have never had
to euthanize a pet.
It is a different experience.
I really do not have words to explain.
But it was very hard to leave him there
to walk out without him.
He tried to hid in the tissue box when we
got in the office. Dumb kiity, you are not the small.
The doctor was sweet to both of us.
She told him how beautiful he was, and what a good kitty he was.
It sounds so corny, but it really did help.
It was so hard to leave, and even though I was not
crying as I left, anyone in the waiting room could
see that I had been crying.

Our dog is acting different.
She was looking for him all night.
And now she will not go in the living room.
That is where they used to nap together.

Ok, Enough of that. But it feels good
to get it off my chest. I know he was just
a pet. But he was my pet. And I miss him.

Four days until we leave for Florida (yeah)
A new Greys tonight (Double yeah)
And a new show after Grey's that looks pretty good (Super Yeah)
Rhonna's got a website back up. Can't wait until
she starts journaling again. Always found her to be very
inspiring!

Roses are read, books are too

Just finished reading this book.

It comes out in April.

Absolutely loved it.

I love it when we get

galley reads in the bookstore

that are actually good.

Most are not worth the time.

But lately we have been getting

some great shipments!

It's a snowy, rainy, sleety, icy Thursday.

School has been cancelled.

So that means...

March in like a lion,

Out like a Lamb.

One can only hope.

I am so glad February is over.

I thought that January was bad,

but February was even worse.

It was so cold for most of the month.

I just need warm weather and sunshine.

I just need to be able to get the kids out more.

And our luck this month has not be great.

Car repair, Garage Door opener broke,

washing machine is on the fritz

(sounds like a jet is taking off in the laundry room)

Lots of expenses. Glad that I had the cash to pay for it all,

however that was supposed to go directly onto our debt.

Oh, well. At least I tried.

Ok, since I started this post my kids have officially

driven me nuts.

Love having the kids home.

But my 8 year old, does not stop talking.

Constant talking.

And he's 8, so

constant talking about a bunch of nothing.

Lots of singing. Opera style of course.

Only opera singers should sing opera.

Hope you all are enjoying your first day of March.

Mid Winter Blue

I cannot tell you

how many times

in the past week

I have

seen this face.

This face

set just like this.

This face

showing it's dislike to me.

This face-

that was captured

looking pretty

cute in mid-motion-

piggy tails and all.

Oh it has been a rough week

with this little one.

This spirited one.

This big person

in a little body.

I feel like I'm losing grip.

I feel like I did when the New Year

came around.

I feel a weight pulling me down.

I just don't know how to

stop it.

I know it's coming.

Is it the weather?

Is it ______________?

Is it just the season?

Is it my fear of failure

creaping back to me?

Is it my constant questioning of

the decisions I've made?

Is it my lack of meaningful work?

Is it the fact that my kids seem

to be growing up too fast?

Growing up and away from me?

This week went by

way to fast.

I was way to sick

and at times worked to hard

and at times did not work hard

enough.

I had plans

for this weekend.

None of them

happened.

I had wonderful valentine fun

I wanted to do with the kids.

Free from any time constraints.

But I ended up working.

Mindless, low paying, boring work.

I had to fill in for someone who

was seriously injured.

Glad I could do it for her.

She would do it for me.

But I had plans....

And to top it off, we

had a birthday party coming in.

I had to plan a party for 15 Kindergarteners.

Not hard. But a bit draining.

And I was already drained.

Hoping for a better week.

Special Helper Friday

Today I was special helper at preschool-

or more correctly-

I was the special helper's assistant

The best part of being special helper

is that we always bake a treat!

It's our little thing.

and notice the other thing in the

picture- (not the muffins)

that was my Christmas present

from my parents.

Always wanted one-

just not that badly.

I really didn't need to use

the mixer to make muffins-

but since it was there,

We made them

Martha style!

So my house smells

of baking

bannana muffins

and warm coffee.

Now if we only had some snow.

Coming up for air

Where did the time go?

The holidays seem like one big blur right now.

And the new year, right around the corner.

New Year- I am always a little sad this time of year.

I hate letting the old year go.

I always wish for time to stand still a bit-

or at least slow down.

The girls have been adorable in the

fairy wings that Santa brought.

I have been watching the Seven Dancing Princesses, Star Wars, making

legos, playing with American Girl Dolls

and having a great time with my kids.

Love having the kids home- all of them.

Love not having to run around town to dance, piano, etc.

Like being able to stay in my jammies all morning.

Wish the sun would come out though.

December has been a very gloomy month.

Some things I have been praying for have

finally come to be. I applied to go back to

college. Very scary for me.

I hate rejection. I expect rejection. I fear failure.

Yet it is going to happen. In January, I start school again.

Be careful what you ask for. LOL

I am nervous, excited, amazed, and overjoyed.

God is great!

The Birthday stuff was fun and now I fall apart

I made some of these Oreo Cookie things. Saw them on this girlz blog. Forgot to put them in the fridge. Remeber to put them in the fridge. It is definately a step that makes the process easier and less messy. But they turned out none the less. I made them for my son's birthday party. Which, by the way, I am doing the happy dance now that it is over. OVER. Until next year. I do not think I can do another party with 12 boys. Maybe just a sleep over with a couple of friends. That's my plan now. But he flashes those baby blues and how can I deny him his hearts desire. lol. And what is a couple of hours anyway. Just a couple of hours that I feel like my head is going to explode from the anxiety of making sure all 12 boys go home in one piece. And that each of them had a fun time. Chocolate oreo cookies always make everything better.

Writing's on the Wall. I never heard this saying before and if I did it didn't mean much. But a few weeks ago I heard this expression 3x in less than 24 hours.

1. My husband was listening to an audiocast of a sermon from a church that he used to belong. He left the room but the sermon was still playing and I started listening to bits and pieces as I was I am sure attempting to clean something. Anyhow, the pastor was talking about the writing being on the wall and he gave a tremendous amount of examples regarding, heath, lifestyle, etc. All very simply put. It touched a cord. Not sure how or why so I put it away in my mind for reference.

2. That same night I was watching a TV show, ok I will admit it, Grey's Anatomy, and the song at the end of the show was Writings on the Wall. Ok I can take a hint. Nothing in life is truely coincidence.

3. Started reading and article in a magazine and again the topic.

So that leads me. What wall, what writing, what is the message I am supposed to be finding. Maybe in my heart I really know. But there are so many messages I should heed. So many we all should heed, from stopping global warming to decreasing the amount of saturated fat in our diets. How do I begin to prioritize this list of shoulds, how do I begin to heed the words I hear each day. How do I let go of my fear- and step out of my box and begin to take notice of not the words on the wall, but the small voice inside me that knows what I really need to do. How do I do it? I've held back for so long. I have avoided. I have suppresses. I have denied myself the happieness of the achievement in fear of the failure.

What if I fail? What will happen? Will I fall apart? What if I fail? I want to tell myself I must not fail. My husband tells me I won't fail. But it is a possiblility. Not everything is in my control. And there are monsters to face. My monsters. The ones I keep in my closet. The ones that keep me company when I am at my most alone. What if I succeed and have to let those monsters free? What am I without them? Can I exist without them?

I guess the Writing's on the Wall...

Oh Such a Grateful Friday

1. This boy. He has been my JOY for the past 8 years. Today was his special day. He has been planning, scheming, and anticipating this day for the past 365 days. He loves his birthday so much. At school mass yesturday they blessed the birthdays for the week. I cry each time. "May God bless and keep you, may God's way shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace." It is a very powerful prayer when all the children, teachers and parents are signing it as the birthday kids are standing on the alter together.

2. Lego Star Wars II. Oh I am so grateful for this game. This morning my son came to the side of my bed after checking out the presents I wrapped. Each birhtday I let him pick one to open before school. After opening the one he chose he came upstairs and declared "I got my hopes up for nothing. No Lego Star Wars." My response of course was that it was only 7am he had the whole day ahead of him. And yes he got it from his grandparents.

3. The beginning of advent season. I love advent. I love it more than Christmas. And I love that my kids go to a christian school and can celebrate it. Today my preschooler came home with her hand made advent wreath. And today I volunteered in my son's class to help them make their handmade advent wreaths. They are beautiful, all paper. I will take a picture when it comes home. Its a scrapbookers dream- elementary school style. Each week they will make a flame for one of the 4 candles. And not just any ol' flame. It is a bit 3D.

4. Grateful that my kids Christmas concert will be in the church. This has been a hot topic since last year. Someone must have complained that they did not think the school should be using the church and alter in such a way. You know little kids singing their heart out in praise of God. Must not be allowed in a church. So our spring concert had to be in the gym. A gym without any acoustic panels. Awful. But Christmas concerts just shouldn't be that way. So we convinced the principal to try just a little harder to get Christmas in church. Spring concert can be anywhere else, but Christmas belongs in the church. Amen!

5. Very Very grateful that I got around town without any accidents. We were not supposed to get snow. Just light flurry- dusting. But we got enough to ice the roads. And I was supposed to turn left to get to the grocery store at a semi-major intersection and my car would only turn, skid to the right. So to the right I went. And the road was so icy I was not about to turn around. So I took the long loop back and stopped by a different grocery store that was in that direction. But we were all safe. My sister in law- however was not so lucky. Her car was towed after someone smacked into her while she was stopped. But still grateful she was not hurt. Made sure she has a couple glasses of wine tonight!

6. Grateful that I found the recipies from a cooking class that I took 10 years ago. Gourmet recipies, pasta recipies, dessert recipies. Even if I don't make them (although I do plan to try) they bring back some great memories.

7. Grateful that I had time to do everything I needed to do today and enjoyed myself every step of the way!

8. Grateful that I can get my hair in a ponytail again.

9. Grateful that I finally found my missing slipper. Could only find one. Yeh they are a little bit used up, with a very well disguised hole and all, but they are prefectly broken in, wonderfully warm and orange boiled wool. Wearing them right now and probobly everytime I post on this blog this winter.

10. Grateful that we are putting up our tree this year. Probobly going to put up the artificial one this year ( I prefer cutting down our own from the tree farm, but there just isn't a good time to do it this year). And especially grateful that my husband is planning to assemble it (this has been my job each year we use it). I am hoping he does the lights as well, since I am more than willing to let that job go to.

(digital kit by Holly McCaig, Plain Digital Wrapper)

C-H-E-E-P

Boy, do I need to update my little ole blog.
I've been very neglectful this summer.
But hey-
It's S-U-M-M-E-R. I
t's going by way too fast.
Way fast.
The kids and I have been keeping busy.
Having fun.

Did I tell you we are saving the world
one critter at a time.
It all started with this little guy.
Oh they wanted to keep him.
And I was just the mean mom for making them release him back to
his home.

Then this little guy literally fell from the sky
(ok the big pine tree)
and into our laps.
Probobly a gold finch.
Took him to the nature reserve
where they found a good home to feed him
until he is able to be released back into
(dare I say)
the wild.
Yes these city streets are very
very much the wilderness.





See keeping busy!!

Cheep, cheep.

And if you want to read a good childrens book
about a little bird found on the streets
of Manhatten,
check this book out.

Give me back my Star

This is what happens when your children learn how to
read and write and then get angry with you.
This little message was left for me after bedtime in
response to my son losing a star from his star/chore
chart for throwing something at his sister. An accident of course.
But I am trying to teach him that he is responsible for his actions-
even if they are done accidentally.

THINK BEFORE YOU DO OR SAY...

(I know it's a big lesson that even most adults haven't learned-
But if I can teach him some humilty- I will have done some good
as far as motherhood goes.)

It's been an unusual week. All three kids have been
crab monsters!!! Seriously- Everyone has been crabby-
ALL WEEK.

So now it's the end of the week and I am (ahem) a bit
crabby. It's been hard working on my art journal for
Rhonna's 21 day challenge. But I am proud to say that
I have still been completing my new habit. I am walking
come rain or shine!!! Whether I want to or not. I have made
myself get off my lazy but and move. I even have the kids
doing it too.

New habit - family style. Surprisingly it is already paying off
Not only is it starting to feel better to my body- but I am getting
a bit more toned in just this short time. NO kidding. I fit into a
pair of jammy pants that are my regular size. Still a ways to go
before I get my pre-pregnancy jeans on. But if I keep this up
I think it will happen. Power of positive thought.

I really want to fit into my summer shorts, because I do not
want to waste money on shorts that I have no intention of wearing
any longer than necessary. Even cropped pants- I still cannot fit my
behind in them in any sort of cute way. Although, progress has been
made...
I can get them on..
I can button and zip them....

Just can't sit comfortably or wear anywhere other than the safety of
my bedroom. HA.

Songs I am listening to this week:

1. Chewing Gum (vocal mix)- Annie
(Don't know why- but loving this song)
2. Breathe - Telepopmusic -
(Makes me want to go for a car ride)
3. Only You - Joshua Radin
(Very mellow)
4. Whenever, Wherever- Shakira
(Very Sensual, makes me want to be young again)
5. Happy and Free - Vaughan Penn
(Just because I like the words)
6. These Words- Natasha Bedingfield
(Dance to this one with the kids- we jam with
our spatula microphones- great fun)
7. They-Jem
8. Vegas Baby-The Weepies
9. Counting to 100- Matt Wertz
10. Unraveling - Deb Talan (Anyone ever feel that way?)