Got GAS?

• This is the best kind of gas in town- FREE GAS. So about a month ago the lovely govenor of Wisconsin decided to add more gas tax. I think about .10 a gallon. Why? For education. Because gas and education - un well- because... ok I do not get the connection. I am all for education (of course I do not send my kids to the local public schools) but why should the tax come from gas. Gas tax should go to cleaning the environment- fixing the roads- even paying for more bloody policemen to keep our roads and city safer. I tell ya- it is enough to turn this very liberally raised girl into a republican!
• I have been very absent from blogging lately. I blame it on summer and on school. I've just had so much writing to do for school- there has been nothing left for this here blog. But I do miss just joting down my feelings. And I especially miss Sunday Scribbling and Self-Portrait Tuesday. I cannot believe I missed the entire month of June which was in your environment. I should have been all over that. And now this month- the elements. Well I am going to make sure I post something this Tuesday.
• Harry Potter- Harry Potter- Harry Potter. Can't wait. It all starts this week. We are already starting to decorate the store. I even got my niece to volunteer to work with me that night. I've been doing my weekly review with the kids. I am just amazed at how much these kids remember. They remember the details. The tiny tiny details in the books. Without even looking it all up. And I give them an assignment each week- to come up with at least 5 trivia questions to ask the group. There questions RAWK! They are so hard that I do not always know the answers. And I am pretty good at my Potter trivia. Just wish I would have had time to re-read all the books in order before the 20th. But no- I've been doing some Kite Runner- and some Greek Classics.
• Speaking of Kite Runner. I was avoiding that book. I knew it would be heartbreaking. But since it was an assigned reading for Ethnic Lit. I could avoid no more. Absolutely beautifully written. Loved the plot. But heartbreaking- yes. An absolute eye-opener.
• Hey- I am now a published critic. My 1/3 page spread on "Clementine" was published in our paper. I have received ohhs and ahhs over it. Seriosly. Even by some co-workers who are not the ohh and aahh type. Very proud. Not as proud as if I was a published author- but its a start!
• I cannot believe that the 4th of July has come and gone. Spent the holiday in our traditional fashion at my parents house. It was great as always. Kids had a blast. Isn't it always about the kids. Didn't take any pictures. Just lived in the momment.
• It is so flippin' hot here. Supposed to get near 100 degrees. High humidity. Thank god for central air. Hate it. But it is definately a necessary evil right about now. And my electric bill is going to be sky high. Oh that is probobly taxed for education too.
• Hey- Junie B. and her stupid smelly school bus was at the store and let me tell you the parents were in love with her as much as the kids. They said they would have even paid for that performance. The girl- Junie was incredible. I do not think I have seen anyone with so much energy. Not to mention we sold over $1,700 in merchandise in a little over 2 hours. We do not even do that at Christmas time. CRAZY!

This picture SUCKS!

I have to write a paper this week. A paper on a theme relating
to the book A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry. Actually,
for those who haven't read it, it is a play/screenplay.

It's good.
Not a hard read.
But a hard read.
Only not at first.

I just do not know how to explain
what is in my heart.
My essay needs to be on
the government's policy toward
racial inequality
back then
and what it is now.
And has our government
made amends to
what happened.

I know that if I had read this book
when I was 20, it would not have
really had much of an impact on me.
You know the world was all about me.
But now I read it,
and I think,
I have a family,
I have a house,
I have to provide,
My kids need an education.
What if my family
was going through
today, what
the Younger Family
went through in the book?
Which is what many/most
African-American families
went through back then.
Only for many it was worse.

So as I began my research,
I happened upon this book.
And bought it.
And read it.
And there is just so much more
disturbing information in it.
Not just about African-Americans,
but Asian, American Indians,
even the Irish.
(Really none of this is new information to me)
It's just I am seeing it through different eyes.
I am seeing it as a parent,
who cannot imagine
explaining to my kids why
they have to use a different drinking fountain than a white person,
or why they have to use a different entrance to the theater,
or why they have to sit in a different train car, or bus,
or why they cannot play at the same park or go
to the same school.

The above picture just saddens me.
Our government saddens me.
I know that progress has been made.
After all on the democratic ticket is an
African-American candidate.
And really that is amazing.
But the history of our laws,
and our history of ignoring our laws,
and our history of re-writing our laws
just to support white supremacy.
Well it SUCKS!

And then - oh God, there is the whole
slavery thing. But fortunately that is not
part of this essay.
Or I would be writing a book instead of a paper.

History sucks. Really. Man is mean.

Grateful Friday

Oh Friday has come and gone, but I am posting my list anyway.

• I love looking at this picure. There is a 87 year age difference between them- yet they have so much in common. Seriously. They share some of the same passions. Like... saving used wrapping paper just because it is pretty, saving cards, the color purple, the love of birds, and the list goes on and on.
• Started my assignments for my summer classes, even though they officially start next week.
• Received my order from Amazon with 2 books that will help me write all the papers that I need to write.
• The money to pay summer tuition. And the approval for subsidized student loans for next year.
• Sunny weather.
• Baseball has started for my son.
• Maybe taking the kids out for pizza tonight and meeting friends there. Maybe. Not confrimed yet.
• A semi-clean, semi-picked up house at the momment.
• Having lunch with my husband and girls yesturday. Ordering a really good sandwich.
• Making pancakes, bacon, hashbrowns and fruit for supper last night.
• Finally getting my kids to eat pure maple syrup rather that the heavily poisoned high-fructose cornsyrup brands. Now I am working on the yogurt.
• My mother's day presents. Cards, keychain, a ring. Yes I have received them all already. Kids just have to live in the here and now.
• My pre-schooler is speaking kindergarten. "Mom look I made a pattern. Blue, Purple, Blue, Purple.....
• I just feel very blessed that I have plans. That I have family to support me. That I have the resources to go forward. That although I am scared- I know in my heart I am doing the right thing and that it will all work out.

I always wish I had a sister

I am enjoying the company of these 2 little ladies.Their bond is a special one. One that I hope I can help them foster into adulthood. I always wish I had a sister- however I was blesses (ahem) with a little brother.That was definitely not in my plan, although I wished that I had a big brother (but that is a whole nother blog entry). I am glad, however, to be part of their little world together- for now.

• So much going on in my part of the world lately.
• Finally made time to get my student ID. So now it really feel official. You know that you are old when you go to the ID Center and say you need and ID and the young,fresh teenager asks you "Are you faculty or a student?".
• Faculty- I wish.
• I began melting down yesterday when I received my first assignment. The professor asked for volunteers to do early reports on the first book we are assigned to read when class begins next week. So I blindly volunteered. And then really freaked out, when I realized that this is my first college class in 16 years. And my first English paper in about 18 years. I quickly realized that the literary world may have changed since my youth. So I went on Amazon and ordered a few reference materials.Sure I had used my writing skill plenty in the workforce, but that was all technical writing, policies and procedures, training and educational materials, grants, etc. Totally different.
• Seriously.
• So today I did my research, after all it is only a one page report and if I include a picture then only 3/4 a page.
• And now I feel better.
• Because I have a plan.
• New greys tonight. Can't wait. They really do need to wrap up this season.It has been all over the place. Not complaining. But the finales really draw a conclusion. Of course I will be very very sad that I do not have any new episodes until next September. But at the same time I am glad to have a break from Thurs. nite television, especially since the show was moved to 8:00. I preferred it at 9:00 when it was a guarantee that the kids were in bed. Next year I will have to record Grey's because I have a class until 8:00 on Thurs. There was no way around it.

Sunday Scribblings- Change

DETERMINATIONS......
Like most people, I am not very good at keeping
New Year's Resolutions. I am not even very good
at coming up with a list. Not that I think that there
aren't things I could, should, would change. But the
process itself brings fatigue to my mind. So I avoid
it all together.

2007 is going to be another big year of change for me.
As I said in an earlier post, I am going back to school.
School- finish that degree I started 20 years ago.
Earn that last couple of semesters worth of credits
to give myself a little elbow grease when I get back
into the workforce. But basically it is more for
self-satisfaction. See I quit in my senior year, with more
than 100 credits to my name and all my major requirements
completed. Boy if I could go back to my old self and
tell her how things could be, just to get through the
rough patch that she was in at the time. It was a rough
patch, the roughtest that I have ever experienced.
But in hind sight there were so many solutions.
Since I cannot go back in time- I am determined to
focus on the present and the future.

This year I am determined to:

1. Put 100% into all the activities that I commit myself to.
2. Focus on a healthy living environment for me and my family.
3. Continue to purge the excess. Unclutter our living spaces. (This of
course is much easier said than done!)
4. Let go of my need to have more.
5. Put my $$$ toward our debt. There is so much freedom in being debt free!
6. Laugh more.
7. Create more.
8. Enjoy my children more.
9. Love more.
10. Pray more.
11. Appreciate more.
12. Give more.
13. Write more.


Ok- so maybe it does resemble resolutions. But I call it Determinations.
I am determined.

Coming up for air

Where did the time go?

The holidays seem like one big blur right now.

And the new year, right around the corner.

New Year- I am always a little sad this time of year.

I hate letting the old year go.

I always wish for time to stand still a bit-

or at least slow down.

The girls have been adorable in the

fairy wings that Santa brought.

I have been watching the Seven Dancing Princesses, Star Wars, making

legos, playing with American Girl Dolls

and having a great time with my kids.

Love having the kids home- all of them.

Love not having to run around town to dance, piano, etc.

Like being able to stay in my jammies all morning.

Wish the sun would come out though.

December has been a very gloomy month.

Some things I have been praying for have

finally come to be. I applied to go back to

college. Very scary for me.

I hate rejection. I expect rejection. I fear failure.

Yet it is going to happen. In January, I start school again.

Be careful what you ask for. LOL

I am nervous, excited, amazed, and overjoyed.

God is great!

The Birthday stuff was fun and now I fall apart

I made some of these Oreo Cookie things. Saw them on this girlz blog. Forgot to put them in the fridge. Remeber to put them in the fridge. It is definately a step that makes the process easier and less messy. But they turned out none the less. I made them for my son's birthday party. Which, by the way, I am doing the happy dance now that it is over. OVER. Until next year. I do not think I can do another party with 12 boys. Maybe just a sleep over with a couple of friends. That's my plan now. But he flashes those baby blues and how can I deny him his hearts desire. lol. And what is a couple of hours anyway. Just a couple of hours that I feel like my head is going to explode from the anxiety of making sure all 12 boys go home in one piece. And that each of them had a fun time. Chocolate oreo cookies always make everything better.

Writing's on the Wall. I never heard this saying before and if I did it didn't mean much. But a few weeks ago I heard this expression 3x in less than 24 hours.

1. My husband was listening to an audiocast of a sermon from a church that he used to belong. He left the room but the sermon was still playing and I started listening to bits and pieces as I was I am sure attempting to clean something. Anyhow, the pastor was talking about the writing being on the wall and he gave a tremendous amount of examples regarding, heath, lifestyle, etc. All very simply put. It touched a cord. Not sure how or why so I put it away in my mind for reference.

2. That same night I was watching a TV show, ok I will admit it, Grey's Anatomy, and the song at the end of the show was Writings on the Wall. Ok I can take a hint. Nothing in life is truely coincidence.

3. Started reading and article in a magazine and again the topic.

So that leads me. What wall, what writing, what is the message I am supposed to be finding. Maybe in my heart I really know. But there are so many messages I should heed. So many we all should heed, from stopping global warming to decreasing the amount of saturated fat in our diets. How do I begin to prioritize this list of shoulds, how do I begin to heed the words I hear each day. How do I let go of my fear- and step out of my box and begin to take notice of not the words on the wall, but the small voice inside me that knows what I really need to do. How do I do it? I've held back for so long. I have avoided. I have suppresses. I have denied myself the happieness of the achievement in fear of the failure.

What if I fail? What will happen? Will I fall apart? What if I fail? I want to tell myself I must not fail. My husband tells me I won't fail. But it is a possiblility. Not everything is in my control. And there are monsters to face. My monsters. The ones I keep in my closet. The ones that keep me company when I am at my most alone. What if I succeed and have to let those monsters free? What am I without them? Can I exist without them?

I guess the Writing's on the Wall...