Sunday Scribblings- GOOD

The fat man always told me that the “road to hell is paved in good intentions”. The fat man had hips like a woman. When he walked down the hall in his 6 foot greatness he swayed like a girl. A girl with a beard and mustache and a hair do that was becoming more and more like a pompadour to hide the every growing bald spot at the back of his head. The fat man. The fat man carried a picture of his ex-girlfriend in his wallet. This may not seem like such a big deal, except that he has been married for 20 years and has 2 teenage daughters. On occasion, if you are lucky, he will pull out that photo and remind you how “lucky” he was to date such a catch.

“Hey Natalie did I show you this photo I have?” said fat man.

“Oh I think once or twice.”

“Let me show it too you again. Can you believe that she went out with me? What a catch that one.”

“Does your wife know that you have that thing?”

“No”

This is the same man who also carries around a photo of himself, when he wasn’t fat. And every now and then I would be lucky enough to witness the unveiling of that photo to some unsuspecting soul. I would watch that innocent novice struggle with how to complement him on his past physique without, well you know, suggesting that his current one is less than desirable.

God save the fat man.

Or should I say, “Let him eat cake”.

I worked for the fat man for 5 lucky years. Literally worked for- he being my boss and all. Now, you realize that I only gave him the nickname because he earned it. No- not due to body volume- but rather his skinny personality. My nickname for him was actually quite kind. Some of my co-workers had given him more colorful names that I rather not repeat.

Once the fat man put up a new picture in his office, and one could not leave the office without him drawing attention to it.

The fat man would say, “Hey, did you see my new photograph?”

“Oh, well, it’s quite nice?” I say this while looking at a picture of a 15 year old girl, who under normal conditions would be considered a beauty. However in this photo (that has been enlarged to a majestic 11x14 photograph) has her mouth gaping open and her head slightly tiled back as though she is about to throw up.

(laughing) “Not yet- guess what she is saying?”

“Hmmm can’t imagine...”

“She’s saying Daaaaadddd”, more laughing.

“Is she aware that you have added her to your wall of photographs?”

Chuckling (since he thinks he is so very funny), “Not yet, can’t wait for her to stop by after school. You got to get even with them one way or another. You know the way to hell is paved with good intentions”

Then he pokes his head around the door, “Hey Andy, you’ve got to come in here and see my new favorite photo.”

I took my cue and fled before I said anything that might expedite my dismissal from employment.

 

A few tunes to get me by:

1. Crazy- Gnarls Barkley - sexy little tune to get the hips a shakin
2. The Mating Game- Bitter:Sweet - heard this one on Grey's Anatomy & had to have it
3. Destination Vertical- Masha Qrella - another Grey's tune- seems to be a theme going on here
4. Like a Star - Corinne Bailey Rae - good old fashioned tune
5. Going Which Ever Way the Wind Blows- Pete Droge - catchy happy tune
6. Love my Way- Grant Lee Phillips - loved the origional - love this one too Think Big Hair
7. Sand in My Shoes - Dido - such an end of summer tune
8. Gotta Have You- Weepies - can't get enough of this tune love the rhythm
9. Axel F- Crazy Frog - what can I say- I've got kids and they love this old stuff. This ones for the boy.
10. Come to Jesus- Mindy Smith - I am a Christian- but I have a hard time getting into Christian music- but this one works for me.

Sunday Scribblings- Freezing Time

I spend way too much time sitting at my computer, reading about other people’s thoughts, dreams, wishes and achievements. I have been so inspired by what people, women especially, are doing in their daily lives, ordinary people, people like me. That’s just the point, people like me. We are not celebrities, superstars, or even superheroes. There is a connection that I feel when I read or admire someone else’s work.

However inspiring the work may be, I do not have the time to admire and also create. Once I turn on my computer, sit my bum in front of my black flat panel screen and click the old internet icon, I get sucked right in. Sometimes I do not know how much time has lapsed since I last came up for air. Sucked into the web abyss. Quickly I become inspired. But it is like an addiction. And anyone who has had an addiction knows that it is almost impossible to know when to stop. So I go on and on, letting my little addiction suck the inspiration right out of me and steal my time away.

We are always chasing time. And yet- time is constant. It is regulated mathematically.
Although our bodies are bound by the laws of physics, chemistry and biology, our minds and souls work on the properties of perception.

I do not need more time. If I had it I would just waste more of it. What I wish is that I could appreciate what I have when I have it, that I could be driven by my own motivation and be satisfied by what I have and what I am. I often allow my fears to consume too much of my time, too much of my life. I have allowed my insecurities to keep me from achieving some of my dreams and desires.

A year and a half ago I was pregnant with my third child. I quit my job and stayed home with the kids. In the beginning, summertime, it was wonderful. I has so much time to be outside, play games, clean my house, cook healthy meals. But after Cecilia arrived, and the kids went back to school and the weather turned from fall to winter, I had too much time. Too much time to fill. And I felt stuck. Having such a small baby at home rooted me to the house and the regular daily household chores. I went through the same daily routine each and every day. I felt like the characters in the movie Groundhogs Day with Bill Murray. I felt stuck. S-T-U-C-K. And that’s what I think it would feel like to stop time. Time is momentum. And as I’ve said before, physics and chemistry. Momentum is necessary.

But if I could go back in time just to visit once in a while, that would be the icing on the cake. I could visit my grandparents again. Swim in their pool in the back yard on a hot summer day. Sipping lemonade and eating Pecan Sandies by the side of the pool. Ride on Papas back as he dived beneath the water. Feeling the sun burn into my skin. I would like to visit that day every now and then.

I would also like to go back to the day that my first child was born. It was such a high, all of them were really, but the first one. I felt so connected with God. I felt as though I had accomplished so much. My family was so excited and so proud of me. My grandparents were so excited to see Alex that they were there within an hour of his birth. They played pass the baby, oxygen monitor and all. The love in that room was incredible. I could feel it, taste it. It was delicious. When it was time for bed and everyone had to leave, my grandfather kissed me on the head and thanked me. At 84 years old, he thanked me. It was one of the last memories I have of my grandfather. Although at the time of Alex’s birth we did not know, he did not know, that he would not be with us much longer. But that day was magic. Absolute magic.

So no I have no dreams of stopping time- I would just like to once in a while, use my superhero powers to time travel now and again.