?Why?

I "think" this quote was from Washington Irving.

It has haunted me since I read it. You know all the questions about existence, what am I here for, what is the meaning of life.... all very T.S. Elliot- Prufrockish.

But it is true- why do I attempt to blog (attempt being the reality here!), why am I back at school, why do I want to write.... then of course all the self doubt and loathing steps up, am I even very good, would anyone ever want to read what I write, could I really get published, who will want to hire me, I am too old.....

Why do we/I do this to ourselves?

I am very very proud of myself- I pulled a 4.0 this semester- thus my lack of any posts. I aced both Chaucer and Shakespeare- even while taking them at the same time. I have to admit though- it wasn't all that hard. Yes- it took some discipline- but mostly it was just staying on top of the work and having a good attitude. I have realized that if I apply the same effort to the rest of my life, I can succeed at anything. Yes- I can lose the weight I have been packing since my pregnancy with my third child. If I apply the time and attitude as I do for my coursework- I can lose weight. (Of course I started this while having PMS- so I have to say I have given in to my food cravings- but that is temporary- and maybe necessary- I wouldn't want to have a total metal breakdown).

I have the summer off- at first I felt a bit guilty about not taking any classes this summer. But with my husbands encouragement I realized I do need some time off- to spend with my family, myself and my hobbies. I have worked very hard for the past year without any breaks- and breaks are healthy. I tell people that all the time. When I was working- I would tell my employees that vacation time is healthy, it is there for a reason, take it- even if it is just a day off to read a book. So I am following my own advice. And I am in love with my decision.

Here is my plan for the summer:

• Read a few good books
• Knit- knit and knit
• Watch movies from Netflix
• Pack lots of picnic lunches
• Days by the beach
• Lots of kids craft project- I have been scouring the internet universe and have come up with lots and lots of ideas- you people are pure genius.
• Lots of kid cooking projects
• Healthy eating
• walking a lot
• Days and Days spent outside
• Maybe camping in the backyard?
• Planting some bushes around the house- so needed and neglected that past few years
• Painting inside the house
• Hanging up all the pictures and picture frames stored in my basement
• Finishing up my office in the basement
• Organize, purge and clean (seriously this is important- even for a NON-type-A-personality)
• Scrapbook
• Relax

Thats my list and that is my summer- give or take a few. No pressure- Total Bliss