Floating Along..........................

There is so much I could be doing today...... BUT

I am just hanging out-

And it's OK.....

I sometimes need to remind myself that... life does not

always have to be a mad race to the finish.

On my list this wonderful Friday

1. Go to the local school supply store and look for stuff for summer. I plan to put magnetic paint on the door to my basement and load it up with educational/fun stuff for my Kindergardener soon to be First Grader. She just loves the stuff...
2. At the same place I plan to find some early communication tools for my 2 year old. She's now in speech therapy- for articulation. She doing great but I need some tools to make it easier for me to work on all the things we are supposed to work on each and every day. Big stuff and I feel a huge weight of responsibility to get her to where she needs to be. Trying very hard NOT to show any stress to her- but it is stress, and guilt and fear and wonder all wrapped in one.
3. Clean up around the house- A LITTLE. Laundry, picking up.
4. Buy some paint- can't paint if we do not have the supplies right!
5. Clean up the ole Rescue Heroes to give to my nephew when he is here this weekend. It is a little bittersweet. Yes, I know my 9 year old will never play with them again- but Oh we had so much fun with those guys when he was little. SO- MUCH- FUN.
6. I may knit- or I may read- or I may do some art. I Receiced from my family a new set of Prismacolor coloured pencils for my birthday. I even dug up my art paper- but I have yet to actually put pencil to paper. FEAR - maybe. I think I am a bit intimidated by all the wonderful art and creativity I witness on the internet. Yes it is VERY inspiring- but it is also intimidating. Sort of setting a standard in my brain that I am not sure I can live up to. Anyhow- it think it is prime time to get over myself and just create something.
7. I really want to go for a walk- but it is a bit of a rainy unpredicible spring weather day around here. And although I do not mind getting splashed on- I do not want my little one to get all wet and damp. So that may need to wait till everyone else is at home and I can just go by myself.
8. Wait for the mail- waitiing for some test grades for school. Hoping and praying I passed. I really do not want to have to re-test. Seriously- do not want that to happen. So hoping and praying and praying and hoping...........

?Why?

I "think" this quote was from Washington Irving.

It has haunted me since I read it. You know all the questions about existence, what am I here for, what is the meaning of life.... all very T.S. Elliot- Prufrockish.

But it is true- why do I attempt to blog (attempt being the reality here!), why am I back at school, why do I want to write.... then of course all the self doubt and loathing steps up, am I even very good, would anyone ever want to read what I write, could I really get published, who will want to hire me, I am too old.....

Why do we/I do this to ourselves?

I am very very proud of myself- I pulled a 4.0 this semester- thus my lack of any posts. I aced both Chaucer and Shakespeare- even while taking them at the same time. I have to admit though- it wasn't all that hard. Yes- it took some discipline- but mostly it was just staying on top of the work and having a good attitude. I have realized that if I apply the same effort to the rest of my life, I can succeed at anything. Yes- I can lose the weight I have been packing since my pregnancy with my third child. If I apply the time and attitude as I do for my coursework- I can lose weight. (Of course I started this while having PMS- so I have to say I have given in to my food cravings- but that is temporary- and maybe necessary- I wouldn't want to have a total metal breakdown).

I have the summer off- at first I felt a bit guilty about not taking any classes this summer. But with my husbands encouragement I realized I do need some time off- to spend with my family, myself and my hobbies. I have worked very hard for the past year without any breaks- and breaks are healthy. I tell people that all the time. When I was working- I would tell my employees that vacation time is healthy, it is there for a reason, take it- even if it is just a day off to read a book. So I am following my own advice. And I am in love with my decision.

Here is my plan for the summer:

• Read a few good books
• Knit- knit and knit
• Watch movies from Netflix
• Pack lots of picnic lunches
• Days by the beach
• Lots of kids craft project- I have been scouring the internet universe and have come up with lots and lots of ideas- you people are pure genius.
• Lots of kid cooking projects
• Healthy eating
• walking a lot
• Days and Days spent outside
• Maybe camping in the backyard?
• Planting some bushes around the house- so needed and neglected that past few years
• Painting inside the house
• Hanging up all the pictures and picture frames stored in my basement
• Finishing up my office in the basement
• Organize, purge and clean (seriously this is important- even for a NON-type-A-personality)
• Scrapbook
• Relax

Thats my list and that is my summer- give or take a few. No pressure- Total Bliss