Sunday Scribblings- GOOD

The fat man always told me that the “road to hell is paved in good intentions”. The fat man had hips like a woman. When he walked down the hall in his 6 foot greatness he swayed like a girl. A girl with a beard and mustache and a hair do that was becoming more and more like a pompadour to hide the every growing bald spot at the back of his head. The fat man. The fat man carried a picture of his ex-girlfriend in his wallet. This may not seem like such a big deal, except that he has been married for 20 years and has 2 teenage daughters. On occasion, if you are lucky, he will pull out that photo and remind you how “lucky” he was to date such a catch.

“Hey Natalie did I show you this photo I have?” said fat man.

“Oh I think once or twice.”

“Let me show it too you again. Can you believe that she went out with me? What a catch that one.”

“Does your wife know that you have that thing?”

“No”

This is the same man who also carries around a photo of himself, when he wasn’t fat. And every now and then I would be lucky enough to witness the unveiling of that photo to some unsuspecting soul. I would watch that innocent novice struggle with how to complement him on his past physique without, well you know, suggesting that his current one is less than desirable.

God save the fat man.

Or should I say, “Let him eat cake”.

I worked for the fat man for 5 lucky years. Literally worked for- he being my boss and all. Now, you realize that I only gave him the nickname because he earned it. No- not due to body volume- but rather his skinny personality. My nickname for him was actually quite kind. Some of my co-workers had given him more colorful names that I rather not repeat.

Once the fat man put up a new picture in his office, and one could not leave the office without him drawing attention to it.

The fat man would say, “Hey, did you see my new photograph?”

“Oh, well, it’s quite nice?” I say this while looking at a picture of a 15 year old girl, who under normal conditions would be considered a beauty. However in this photo (that has been enlarged to a majestic 11x14 photograph) has her mouth gaping open and her head slightly tiled back as though she is about to throw up.

(laughing) “Not yet- guess what she is saying?”

“Hmmm can’t imagine...”

“She’s saying Daaaaadddd”, more laughing.

“Is she aware that you have added her to your wall of photographs?”

Chuckling (since he thinks he is so very funny), “Not yet, can’t wait for her to stop by after school. You got to get even with them one way or another. You know the way to hell is paved with good intentions”

Then he pokes his head around the door, “Hey Andy, you’ve got to come in here and see my new favorite photo.”

I took my cue and fled before I said anything that might expedite my dismissal from employment.